In this weeks reading Maryanne finds out about the Afghan Library. Soon after she is continuing to get sick “…that not even several courses of antibiotics could tame”(170). Maryanne goes into great detail telling Schwalbe how to answer condolence notes. What Schwalbe mentions is that “…Mom had forgotten to tell me and then [I] remembered-how to answer the condolence notes we would be receiving after her death”(171). Maryanne continues to be in and out of the hospital. When she gets home, Schwalbe and Maryanne choose their next book: one of Jhumpa Lahiri’s collection of short stories. “…Lahiri had moved as a child with her parents to the United States. Lahiri’s immigrant characters often have experienced the same kinds of dislocation that Mom had seen in her refugee friends; many of them grapple with balancing two cultures, trying to preserve the known while embracing the new” (172). Schwalbe states that, “The emphasis in both tales is on the survivors- a father and his daughter; a father and his son- and how their changed or changing circumstances bring to center stage their inability to communicate”(173). Schwalbe mentions that theres not a lot of speaking throughout the story but he comes to realize that “Lahiri’s characters, just like people all around us, are constantly telling each other important things, but not necessarily in words”(173). A few weeks later, Maryanne and Schwalbe choose to read Murder in the Cathedral. After they finished it Schwalbe asked Maryanne what made her want to read the book. She said to him, “I find the play very inspiring”(174-175). “He’s also able to accept death. He’s not happy about it but he's perfectly calm. When I stop all this treatment, it will be because its time to stop”(175). Schwalbe also brings up a very interesting thought in this part of the reading: “How does a doctor tell you that its over…if your aim is quality of life and not quantity of life, there simply are no good next treatments?” “What could be more human than want to live?” (175). In 2014 my Papa who I was very close to, took his own life. When I got to the hospital he was on life support. As a family we knew we could keep him on life support to have “more time” with him. But at that point there wasn't any quality to his life. The doctor told us there was nothing they could do to save him and that it was up to us to decide whether to keep him or let him go. Letting go of someone is never easy. Have you ever known someone who was close to you that you had to decide whether to choose quality or quantity? If so, did you look at how lucky you were to have them in your life, or did you focus on how much will be missing without them? and Why?
7 Comments
Anna Kendall Wright
4/9/2016 03:05:59 pm
It makes me emotional reading your post Sarah about your Papa, but I do agree that like Schwalbe points out that if your aim for life's quality not quantity then remembering someone you love for what they were not how long you had them is important. I’d rather have someone for 90 amazing days full of beautiful memories than 90 years but watching them suffer the last years to be with you longer. When a close friend of mine passed away from cancer last year it took me awhile to grasp that she was gone. In my head she was just at home and I was just at school, and I would see her soon. When the reality of her being gone actually hit me, I cried my eyes out for hours, but not because I wished she was still here even as nice as that would be. But I cried while I thought about the memories, I thought about all the laughs and crazy horse rides I shared with her and I cried because those moments are moments, I don’t ever want to let go of. I learned that I was lucky to have those memories to remember my friend by and not just the idea of missing her. Because now when I miss her, I smile and picture her sitting next me in a horse stall laughing about a silly joke she told me a couple years ago.
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Itzayana Rodriguez
4/10/2016 06:59:48 pm
I am lucky because I have never been placed in a situation where I have to decide between quantity and quality, so reading about what Schwalbe is experiencing with his mother is entirely new to me and I find it difficult to relate at times. This being said, I am sorry about what you had to experience with your Papa, I can only imagine how difficult that was. When it comes to deciding quality vs quantity, I would rather go with quality because what kind of life is the other person living if they are suffering and unhappy? I would much rather remember someone as that happy and smiling person they were than the suffering person they became. As difficult as it is to lose a loved one, it is even more difficult to deal with a family member that is constantly suffering and unhappy.
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Jessica Martinez
4/11/2016 11:10:13 am
As I was reading the last part I got goose bumps. I felt as if I was in your shoes in that moment. Sarah I know exactly how you feel. My grandpa was also on life support in the year 2007. I can remember walking each day into my grandpa's room. The hospital room was cold and felt so bloomy. My grandma was just laying there saying no word. Looked like he was sleeping and just didn’t want to wake up. I remember one time I was all alone with my grandpa while the rest of my family went out to take a shower and get something to eat. I remember grabbing a chair and placing it next to my grandpa's bed. I grabbed his hand and I started talking with him. I just kept telling him how much I needed him. I cried that day so much because I knew my grandpa was gone. I knew keeping him on life support longer would only cause more pain for myself and my family. I told my grandpa that day these exact words, “I know you’re gone, I know you don’t want us to be sad, you were always so full with laughs and smiles.. It’s okay for you to go. Don’t worry about grandma I will take care of her. You can fly in heaven now… I love you.” In that exact moment I knew my grandpa was gone forever. Like you said Sarah, letting go is so hard. It was almost impossible for me to walk out that room and knowing I’ll never get to see my grandpa ever again. I will no longer see him physically. But, I know my grandpa is by my side every single day. I know he’s here taking care of all my family. I am very lucky to have spent so much time with my grandpa. I will forever cherish the moments spent with him when he would take me to places and we would always bond. I was able to tell him anything and he was always there to listen to me and give me advice. My grandpa always lived his life by the saying “ Do what makes you happy, life's too short to worry about things that don’t matter.” I miss him very much just like I’m sure you miss your papa. But, Sarah your papa and my grandpa are up in heaven now. Away from pain. They’re happy. We should be too.
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Liliana Mendoza
4/11/2016 04:49:55 pm
I am so sorry for your loss Sarah. I never experienced something like that knowing that someone close to me was going to die. In fact I didn't know my friend from high school was sick. When I was in my freshmen year of high school I was so close to her she passed away during our winter break. I grew so close to her I spent quality time at school. Knowing her for 3 months and a half I grew very close to her we were like sisters. A lot of people called twins. Anyway when I heard she passed away I felt like I lost half of myself she was basically the only friend I had in my first semester of ninth grade. I didn't get to choose quantity or quality time with her. However, I'm glad that I got to spend quality time with her because I got to know what kind of person she was and it brought delight in my life to know that she was a person who actually cared about me. I agree with Itzayana when she says thats it's difficult for people who loose family members although I never had any close family members that I know and I'm close to die. God forbids that to happen but If it does I honestly don't know how to grasp it when their gone. If it does I would spent quality time when them.
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Liliana De La Torre
4/12/2016 06:28:38 pm
I'm sorry for your loss Sarah. I really can't imagine being in your spot. I haven't yet experienced an experience of choosing quality or quantity for a person I care about. But I have come close so I have thought about it. So since then my answer would always be quality. Like Anna said "I’d rather have someone for 90 amazing days full of beautiful memories than 90 years but watching them suffer the last years to be with you longer." That’s exactly how I view the position. It would be hard at the beginning of letting them go right away but in the long run you would know it was the best choice not only for them but also their family.
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Maci Fusi
4/14/2016 05:48:49 pm
In August of 2014 my grandpa was diagnosed with the rarest form of thyroid cancer that less than only 2% of the world has ever been diagnosed with. He had always traveled and had an amazing life, and was the most genuine man I have ever known. He was given the option to be given treatment and have a tracheostomy put into his neck or to live out his last days to the fullest. He chose the latter and died the Thursday before Thanksgiving that same year. My family fortunately did not have to decide whether or not we wanted him to live or not but he was a firm believer in "Quality over quantity." I am truly sorry to hear about your loss Sarah and hope everything is well.
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Monica Hernandez
5/22/2016 02:34:57 pm
My sophomore year of school, I remember coming home from school and finding throw up all over the front patio. The tears on my mother face and her pale look has never left my face as she held on to my younger sister's body barley conscious and but still throwing up. I had not understood what was happening, I remember leaving earlier that morning and my sister staying home because she was feeling ill. I saw as my neighbor told my mother that the ambulance was an hour away and that they would be better off driving to the hospital than waiting as he took my sisters lifeless body from her and placed her in the car. My mother turned to me and told wait for my brother to get home, that my dad was on the way home to pick us up. I remember Vicky coming over to help me clean up the throw up telling me my sister would be okay and still not knowing what was going on I nodded my head and patiently waited for my brother. When my father arrived he told us that my sister was being treated for an overdose, she took over a hundredth pain killers to try to end her life.Today my family and I are beyond lucky to have my sister around and couldn't imagine it any other way, we have not ever talked about her motive but we cherish every moment we spent together. Like Will and Mary Ann we choose to spend time on times we both enjoy such as getting our nails done.
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