As I read through this week’s reading Schwable’s family still believes Mary Ann is suffering from hepatitis contracted while working in Afghanistan and are frustrated with the general feeling of inadequacy as they watch her get sicker and sicker not knowing how to help her or fix things. While on vacation in Maine, Schwable and his mother discuss On Chesil Beach by Ian McGowan. He writes, “Mom had spent so much time in war zones, she said, that she was drawn to books that dealt with dark themes, as they helped her understand the world as it is, and not as we wish it would be” (location 257). Of the characters in the book Schwable writes, ““I wonder if things could have turned out differently” I added. I don’t know Mom answered, “Maybe not but maybe the characters think things could have turned out differently, maybe that’s why you found it so sad” (location 263).
This book was sometimes very difficult for me to read because it brings back many of the feelings I experienced as my dad suffered and died from cancer. Like Mary Anne, my dad was diagnosed with an incurable cancer and was told he could fight it for a time until the chemo stopped working against the tumors, but he would inevitably die from the disease. It was his fate; the doctors said. My dad fought for several years, always believing he had the will to beat cancer. He believed that if he fought hard enough or long enough eventually a cure would be found. Even after doctors told him there was no longer any hope, he refused to enter hospice care because he viewed this step as giving up the fight, as admitting it was his fate to die from cancer and he didn’t have the will to fight anymore. I still find it terribly sad to think that my dad died believing that things could have turned out differently for him.
Last week Lillianna wrote, “I strongly believe in fate. I don't believe in destiny. It's either we succeed or we don't. Yes, we choose what we want to do but there are people out there who want to be successful in life but does not have the opportunity.” And Michelle wrote, “I personally feel like I believe in a free will choice because we all have our own opinions…. Everything we do is a decision you make yourself. Going to college was a decision I made.”
If I believe in fate than I believe that maybe my dad should have accepted his terminal diagnosis earlier. That if he had accepted it, he may have had peace at the end of his life. On the other hand, if I believe in free will than I know that his will to fight gave him two more amazing years with his family that he wouldn’t have experienced if he had just given in to fate.
We can extend this idea to ourselves as college students. Is it your fate to succeed? What determines it (Your family? Your background?) Or is it your free will? Will you graduate no matter what obstacles come across your path? Have you already beaten overwhelming odds to become a college student (first generation students? single parents? lack of family resources? academic difficulties?) What limitations do you place on your beliefs and on what do you base your answer?